Monday, March 24, 2008

An Emotional Set Back

I can't really complain about how this pregnancy has been. I am at 30 weeks and everything has been blissfully perfect- even the heartburn and frequent trips to the bathroom. I have thus far gained 20 pounds and I have lucky not had any stretch marks or water retention, two things a lot of pregnant women fear.

I've always looked forward to the process of pregnancy and birth. Despite the fact that I can feel him moving inside me, I am still in awe of this little miracle and sometimes wonder if he's real. This weekend I felt my first shapes of his body while he was moving around. It's just amazing.

To prepare for his arrival, we started taking Bradley Method classes a few weeks ago. For those of you who are not familiar with Bradley, it is a 'husband-coached' natural birthing method. It is a 'natural' birth because the whole goal is to have an unmedicated birth. This method and class attracted both of us because it would allow Thad to have a very active role in the birth of our son, as well as enable us to have a healthy pregnancy. The tools that the Bradley class gives to upcoming parents are priceless and I encourage anyone who is interested in learning as much as possible about pregnancy and birth to take this course.

Back in my 19th week when I had my ultrasound, we learned that I have a 'sizable' fibroid on the lower segment of my uterus. It was about 11 cm. across and on my left side. At the time they told me not to worry about the fibroid as it has never posed any issues to me before and the baby was still small that it would not be too crowded in my uterus at that point. Since then I haven't had any issues, in fact my doctors didn't seem at all concerned about it. Now as we approach our due date, they ordered another ultrasound for my 35th week just to make sure that the fibroid isn't blocking my cervix or causing any other unknown issues.

Today at my appointment my doctor said that if the fibroid has not moved up my abdomen due to my growing uterus, and if it does in fact block my cervix, then we will have to schedule a cesarean section a week earlier than my due date.

This news was devastating. I realize that he is trying to prepare me for the worst case scenario, however, it doesn't make it any easier to hear or accept. This whole pregnancy we speak so fondly of the moment when the doctor will say, "Pamela, reach down and catch your baby." This phrase has been my saving grace through any uncomfortable times and has been the biggest hope that we can have for the end of the pregnancy and beginning of our new life as parents. To think that this may be taken away from us is so hard to comprehend.

I understand that if this baby cannot come out vaginally then the only other way to do it would be by a C-section, but it's hard not to think that I had failed my body and son somehow. I realize it's not anything that could have been avoided, but it's still hard.

The good news is that this is not definite and we will find out in 5 weeks whether or not it's even an issue. I guess I need to start mentally preparing myself now for whatever we have in store. I found this article online and it helped alleviate some of my stress.

I'll keep you posted! If anyone has had any experience with fibroids during pregnancy, please let me know.

1 comment:

Cara Terreri said...

I can imagine how disappointed you feel at the prospect of a c-section. Hang in there until you know for sure, and take comfort in the fact that no matter how you bring your little one into the world, it will be an incredibly momentous and beautiful experience. Keep us all updated.